Depression is different for everyone. For me, it results in staying in bed or napping throughout the day with little to no willpower to get up, isolating myself from people I care about, never leaving the house, and overeating. I’ve managed to get my depression in check for the better part of this year by forcing myself to organize fun events for my local meetup group, PNW Fattitude, which required me to leave my Tacoma bubble and socialize with strangers. I also combined medication and therapy consistently for 8 months straight. But money started getting tighter and I had to cut back the amount of sessions with my therapist. And life got pretty chaotic in October when I was forced to move out of my apartment on short notice so I haven’t seen my therapist at all in over a month. Plus, I think my meds aren’t helping as much as they used to so life has been ROUGH.
These days, I’ve been holing up in my new apartment binge-watching tv shows on Netflix and sleeping in my recliner. Actually, I’ve spent the last week falling asleep in my recliner while watching tv at night. My sleep schedule is completely out of whack: I used to have no problem getting to bed by 10 or 11 p.m. and waking up at 7 a.m. But these days, I haven’t been able to get to sleep till about 4 a.m., which makes me super exhausted and unfocused at work. I’ve even caught myself dozing off in front of my computer a few times.
I also suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder on top of my general depression, so winter is especially difficult for me to power through. Being away from my family during the holidays has always been tough, and moving even farther south from my friends has made feel extra isolated and lonely. Another thing that has been causing me stress is money, or lack of money. The move really zapped my bank account and now I’m paying more rent, utilities, and now pet rent! My health insurance premium doubled and I have an entire unpaid week of vacation for Christmas, so that’s cool. I really hope Santa gets me a raise for Christmas because it would be nice to not have to stress out over whether or not I’m going to be able to pay my bills.
Despite this, I’ve been considering getting a light therapy lamp as a Christmas gift to myself.. that is, if I find myself with a sudden surplus of income this month. I don’t know anyone personally that’s used one, but I’ve read so many positive reviews online. My vitamin D levels are already massively low (I take Ergocalciferol for it) so a happy lamp couldn’t hurt, right? If I had readers, this is where I would pose a question asking if anyone has used one or has any recommendations but alas, I have yet to even tell anyone I have this new blog so…
On a better note, I’ve convinced my best friend Amber to come along with me on a day trip to Portland tomorrow. I’ve never been to Portland (only driven through it) but I’ve been itching to get out of town and Amber’s been having a tough time at home so I think this will be good for both of us.
Anyway, I’m going to make some lunch and try to gather enough willpower to fulfill some Etsy orders. And maybe even drag myself to the post office! Hoping to be somewhat productive today.